I Can’t Go On! Suicide is Beckoning..

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I would like to reach out to a friend.. Someone who I do not know.  A friend who, after a constant battle with mental illness, has become overcome with exhaustion and decided to end their mortal journey!  I pray you are directed to this site, and the words that have been written.

“T.O.D.A.Y… has been a day like every other.  Eyes open now, denying the call of responsibility of again rising against the heavy pull of remaining in my bed. How do I do it yet one more time? My soul is hollow; Despair Prevails! Oh God… Why has thou forsaken me?

I smile, because if I didn’t, you’d ask why. Perhaps the smile is instrumental in my self-preservation…. maybe…today I can survive. The reality of pretending seems to only be an answer to those around me, offering comfort and denouncing their worry, as they continue to feel that I’m slipping again. I can’t even smile for them now. My lips are unresponsive to the love they offer.

Depression; I really don’t care about anything… Anxiety; I care too much about everything… And the constant collision of the two sends my entire existence into searching for relief from this chronic emotional pain.  It hurts.. and… it… is… killing ..me!

I do not want to die, but I cannot live. I’ve been strong in my life, but how likely is it that anyone can hold excessive weight above their head… day after day, year after year?  I cannot go on. Is there anyone out there? Please God!! This is my final prayer.  I need You.. TODAY!”

I hear you my FRIEND! God hears you, and recognizes the urgency of your plea. I reach out to you this very day in hopes of doing my part to rescue you.  This post goes out to all of you, from your friend who has a love, and full understanding of your circumstance.  For you see, these words written above have a familiar voice, as this was my situation many years ago.  I had surrendered to the depths of despair, but rescued from the same God who is watching over you right now.

May we together, find a flicker of light..a gasp of refreshing air, and a small piece of HOPE today? YES!!!

With all of my physical strength, I cast a life ring towards you.. “Grasp it Tight!” Once this connection has been made, you are not alone! You see, you have just been tethered to someone who cares about you. Your immediate responsibility is to just hold on.

For those of you who are in acute crisis, it is of utmost importance that you connect with someone close by.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call 1-800-273-8255 http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

For those who live in, Utah there is an app… Download it now! https://healthcare.utah.edu/uni/programs/safe-ut-smartphone-app/

All day, every day, this is your crisis lifeline. This is step number one in our plan…ok? You can talk as long as you need to, or even chat online if that’s a more comfortable communication for you.  Let these new team members listen… and… YOU, get your toxic thoughts out of your own mind.  This one step is instrumental in an initial decline of the level of crisis.  Be open to their suggestions, especially if it involves medical intervention.  Remember, these team members of ours are thinking clearly, and are not at the declined mental state of someone in crisis. Trust their judgment.

If you are not in a state of crisis, we still need a plan.  Remember, we are a team and the solution is to get you out of despair.. AND END THE SUFFERING using a plan different from the final one that you are entertaining.  Here is the next step:

Medical teammates.

Don’t shut me down on this step… for you see, this is the one that saved my life.  I am very aware of what you might have already been through. The medication journey is a challenge to say the least.

Remember, all antidepressants are not the same.  It took me trying 8 or 9 different medications to find the one that worked.  The process is to explain all of your symptoms to your doctor or psychiatrist. They then prescribe a medication for you evaluate for 2 to 4 weeks.  You then make a judgment…Is it helping?

Ask trusted others what differences they are noticing.  Do you feel a step better, or not? Deflate the side effects for now. Some will lessen with time: Dry mouth, low libido … expect it initially. Focus on your mood as the priority in the evaluation. Give this step some time. Hold onto HOPE, as again, this is where I found my solution.

Word of caution, if you experience anxiety along with depression, avoid Prozac. This is a medication that winds you up to break through depression; however, it also winds up your anxiety which can lead to a psychotic event, as was my experience.

Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar and Schizophrenia, all of these can be genetically passed on through families.  Talk to extend family members about this.  Work as a team to narrow down the medications to the ones that work with your genetics. Not all are the same, but if your sibling has depression similar to yours, and is finding success on something like Zoloft, that might be a medication that you start with.

And finally, two things to consider:  Right Medication Brand… Right Dose. Again, by working with your doctor, the dose amount is just as important as the medication to find the ultimate solution. This takes a bit of fine tuning.

I will not get into the specifics of depression, rather than to say that those who experience it have imbalances with serotonin (happy, feel good chemicals) and the way that neurotransmitters send signals to the receptors of our brains.  It is my deep opinion that these corrections cannot be made without medical intervention. DON’T TRY TO JUST BEAT IT BY YOURSELF! Can a diabetic thrive without the proper dose of insulin? Not from what I have experienced in all of my medical involvement with others.

And finally, I would like to give you this surviving tool…HOPE.

Things are going to get better… remember… We have a plan. You now have tools.  Hang on to this gift of HOPE until you see progress in moving to a healthier you. You have a team now.  Lean on them! Let them shoulder you through your difficult moments… and celebrate even the smallest successes… like a smile that comes just a little easier now.

I send you all of my love. I will be praying for you daily. WE… can do this!  The fact that you have just read this posting is evidence to me that God is watching over you, and has heard your cries for help. He lives!! He loves you. He knows you and your struggle, and will not let you walk through this hardship alone.

 

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